Tuesday, July 8, 2008


Of course we all know that babies can be horrid, horrid, racists, but surprising and unnecessary new research now shows that they can be pedophiles as well!! The National Children's Bureau has a stunning new study out that shines a chilling and semi rediculous light on baby pedophilia.

According to chronic overreacter Jane Lane (a serious name), babies "can show disturbing signs of pedophilia at a startlingly young age, often even before they are conceived." The NCB is now rushing new guidelines to nurseries across Britain in an effort to forestall baby sex crimes and justify their government grants. "I know its shocking," said Jane Lane, "but in our research we've found that babies often look at other babies and even smile at them, not to mention the fact that they spend a shocking amount of time naked."

Asked to comment, Yorkshire MP Thomas Sullivan was quoted as saying "Are you (censored) serious? Game over man, just take it all down. Burn it all, (censored) it. I'm not even going to pretend to care any more. Bloody (censored) rediculous."

Despite seeming government apathy, the NCB is pushing for far reaching powers to resolve this growing crisis. "We need a National Baby Sex Offender Registry," said plain dame Jane Lane, "we can't have these monsters crawling the streets."

Horrified mothers across Britain are already ratting out their infants. "He's been sucking on my nipple for months," said a hysterical London mother who wished to remain anonymous. "At first I thought it was just a phase, but now I fear its a symptom of something far more ominous. I'm not sure, but I think when I gave birth to him, he touched my vagina!"

Reached late last night, noted child psychologist Nigel Chamberlain remarked "is this a (censored) serious question?"


Blazing Cat Fur said...

Your headline should read NCB not NBC;)

Weird o'rama, the social engineers never sleep.

A Missourian said...

Rookie mistake tanks.

Eowyn said...

ROFL! Another good one, AM :o)

I mean, really. Is it just me, or are these people starting to seem like an alien species?

A Missourian said...

Its just the way big guvment and pc bs takes you. Its the way the poor Canadians are going and its the way Obama wants to take us. Its going to suck voting for McCain, it will probably take ten years off my life, but Barry is a black LBJ with a God complex.